Besides the fact that I feel an obligation to this post since so many have supported our family on our journey this week, writing helps me process. This is bound to be laced with raw emotion, so read on only if you can handle complete, utter brokenness.
Moments ago I kissed my Sweet Cheek's cheeks for the last time. I can't explain the pain, fear, hurt and loss that we feel. There is no word in the world to describe . . .
It happened with my girls. I remember with each of them looking back at some point during the first year of their lives and not being able to recall what life before them was like. The truth is, that our family doesn't remember life without this child. It will take us a while to remember how to do this without her here.
How are we doing? So many of you have asked. Truth? We are struggling to remember why it is that we do this. Watched this several times this week to remind myself . . .
We've repeated truth to ourselves over. And over. We've leaned on love and support from so many who loved our girl. We've chosen to believe that God is greater.
Our prayer for Sweet Cheeks is the same as our prayer for our girls: That God would pursue their hearts relentlessly until they fall deeply and passionately in love with Him. In our minds, the best place for that prayer to be answered for Sweet Cheeks is here, with us. It doesn't make sense that God would hear our prayer and choose to answer it a different way than we picture. But He does and he has and we choose to believe that this is for her best even when we don't understand, even when we are hurt, even when our greatest fears could become a reality . . .
There is not one moment of one day this week that part of the song The Greatness of Our God hasn't gone through my heart.
". . . Give me grace to see beyond this moment here
To believe that there is nothing left to fear
And that you alone are high above it all
That you, My God, are greater still . . . "
God has shown us this week that He is here in this moment and He's used many of you to show us that. Thank you. Your lives are a testament to our family of who He is. We are blessed beyond blessed to walk with you as we live out our part in His story.
Hold our girl, Sweet Jesus, in the moments of her life that we'll never see. Show her that You, My God, are greater!